In 1955, I made a deal with the furnace that lived in the basement of my grandparents’ house. Our agreement was that if I promised not to venture any further than the basement step, second from the top, ‘it’ would stay in the basement. I never trusted our armistice would hold. So sometimes when my gran cracked the creaky basement door, I would watch from that second step ... but no further ... as she descended into the dark place beneath the house, never quite certain that ‘it’ would give her … [Read more...]
Of Whom Much Has Been Given Much Is Expected
Our little Mooney Ovation was what I called a “nose print” airplane. It seemed like anytime I left it parked on the ramp for more than a few minutes there would be nose prints left by curious onlookers. Jealous pilots were dying to have a look at the inside of an aircraft so awesomely cool on the outside. I don’t remember having anything you would call cool while I was growing up. No cool cars. No cool clothes. Just your average clarinet playing geek of the week. But N95MK was cool all the … [Read more...]
X Marks the Spot
We on our way to a romantic two days at the Texas coast. We had hoped to squeeze in a mini vacation of sorts between the too hot afternoons of late summer and the too cool days of an early fall. Just right… or so we thought. What we hadn’t counted on was a young woman driving northbound who for whatever reason had decided that it was slightly more important to text her mom than it was to stay decidedly in her lane not ours. After the crash my first conscious thought was to check on Buns. … [Read more...]
Lion Tamer
It all started with an unseasonable stretch of rainy days in southern California. They say it never rains in southern California but it pours. (I borrowed that.) The heaviest rain was over a tourist attraction featuring a drive-through lion safari. The resulting flash flooding washed away the lions. Don’t ask how many. I don’t know how many. I didn’t actually see it but it must have been a bunch or maybe a pride. You wouldn’t expect that a bunch of lions washing away would have an impact … [Read more...]
Wouldn’t You Like to Ask?
Buns is not fond of baggy shorts. In fact, she will, on occasion and completely without warning, reach out and give my waistband a sudden boost. It’s ok. I’m used to it. Buns does her pants-lift maneuver almost without forethought. I’m just waiting for her to accost some total stranger. She once pulled a similar stunt when she grabbed a stranger’s hand, thinking it was mine. When, or if, she pulls an unrehearsed pants-lift maneuver on an unsuspecting stranger, I have no plan to defend her. I … [Read more...]
Ten Modern Commandments
I’ve always wondered why God hasn’t seen fit to send updates for the Ten Commandments. Whenever I have complained, someone always commented that maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. Perhaps God had sent all sorts of revisions and updates and maybe, rather than blaming the Maker of the Universe, I should look in the mirror. So I’ve been watching and so far… nothing. I say my bedtime prayers and slip in the occasional hint that I am still waiting. You don’t want to get too impatient with … [Read more...]
Frog in the Kimo
Oh, there was a frog and he lived in a well… …and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. He reared and he pitched and he couldn’t make a jump… and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. When I was a kid, few people had a radio in their car. The vacuum tubes that did the electronic duty of transistors glowed orange hot making car radios a serious drain on power. You could see them if dad ever let you crawl part-ways under the dash board. The old Studebaker that was our family transportation in those days … [Read more...]
Connoisseurs of Wines
Brian Godzik fell for not the oldest trick in the book but one of the newest. It’s a trick that proves the value of cheap, ubiquitous computer power. Ironically, it took place in a restaurant named after a father/son act that bit the dust, thanks to the improper use of technology. And now, the story: Brian and his father chose to dine at Icarus, a tiny restaurant on Boston’s rapidly gentrifying south side. Their choice was highly influenced by the recommendation of their hotel’s concierge. … [Read more...]
Vonlane
Ken Blanchard calls them “raving fans.” T. Scott Gross, author of Positively Outrageous Service says a result is always positive, compelling word of mouth. Whatever you call them, the gorgeous buses of Vonlane private jet on wheels have all the luxury, service, and yes, even speed, of a private jet. The instant you lay eyes on the beautiful, immaculately clean buses and sharply uniformed staff you cannot help wanting to know who is on the bus and where are they going? When you see … [Read more...]
Repo Man
Jeff wears a Wal-Mart vest complete with name-tag on the front and a box cutter in the right side pocket. His wife, Melissa, writes in neat, feminine cursive remembered from grade school. Their daughter Cassandra gets good grades as attested by the report card found in the console of their Suburban. I know because I helped steal their Suburban last night. Well, we didn’t exactly steal it. It was more a matter of stealing it back. The legal owner of the aging Suburban is my long time … [Read more...]