It all started with an unseasonable stretch of rainy days in southern California. They say it never rains in southern California but it pours. (I borrowed that.) The heaviest rain was over a tourist attraction featuring a drive-through lion safari. The resulting flash flooding washed away the lions. Don’t ask how many. I don’t know how many. I didn’t actually see it but it must have been a bunch or maybe a pride. You wouldn’t expect that a bunch of lions washing away would have an impact … [Read more...]
Wouldn’t You Like to Ask?
Buns is not fond of baggy shorts. In fact, she will, on occasion and completely without warning, reach out and give my waistband a sudden boost. It’s ok. I’m used to it. Buns does her pants-lift maneuver almost without forethought. I’m just waiting for her to accost some total stranger. She once pulled a similar stunt when she grabbed a stranger’s hand, thinking it was mine. When, or if, she pulls an unrehearsed pants-lift maneuver on an unsuspecting stranger, I have no plan to defend her. I … [Read more...]
Ten Modern Commandments
I’ve always wondered why God hasn’t seen fit to send updates for the Ten Commandments. Whenever I have complained, someone always commented that maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. Perhaps God had sent all sorts of revisions and updates and maybe, rather than blaming the Maker of the Universe, I should look in the mirror. So I’ve been watching and so far… nothing. I say my bedtime prayers and slip in the occasional hint that I am still waiting. You don’t want to get too impatient with … [Read more...]
Frog in the Kimo
Oh, there was a frog and he lived in a well… …and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. He reared and he pitched and he couldn’t make a jump… and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. When I was a kid, few people had a radio in their car. The vacuum tubes that did the electronic duty of transistors glowed orange hot making car radios a serious drain on power. You could see them if dad ever let you crawl part-ways under the dash board. The old Studebaker that was our family transportation in those days … [Read more...]
Connoisseurs of Wines
Brian Godzik fell for not the oldest trick in the book but one of the newest. It’s a trick that proves the value of cheap, ubiquitous computer power. Ironically, it took place in a restaurant named after a father/son act that bit the dust, thanks to the improper use of technology. And now, the story: Brian and his father chose to dine at Icarus, a tiny restaurant on Boston’s rapidly gentrifying south side. Their choice was highly influenced by the recommendation of their hotel’s concierge. … [Read more...]
Vonlane
Ken Blanchard calls them “raving fans.” T. Scott Gross, author of Positively Outrageous Service says a result is always positive, compelling word of mouth. Whatever you call them, the gorgeous buses of Vonlane private jet on wheels have all the luxury, service, and yes, even speed, of a private jet. The instant you lay eyes on the beautiful, immaculately clean buses and sharply uniformed staff you cannot help wanting to know who is on the bus and where are they going? When you see … [Read more...]
Repo Man
Jeff wears a Wal-Mart vest complete with name-tag on the front and a box cutter in the right side pocket. His wife, Melissa, writes in neat, feminine cursive remembered from grade school. Their daughter Cassandra gets good grades as attested by the report card found in the console of their Suburban. I know because I helped steal their Suburban last night. Well, we didn’t exactly steal it. It was more a matter of stealing it back. The legal owner of the aging Suburban is my long time … [Read more...]
Hot Chocolate
It’s never too cold for cheerleaders although God forbid the team has a great season and the schedule drags their frozen legs all the way into December. Cheerleaders aren’t supposed to look sexy but who would want to watch cheerleaders in sweatpants? Besides, it’s mom’s job to remind the girls to dress in layers that can be quickly peeled in the event someone dares to interrupt the desperate sideline shivering and scores. No doubt cheerleader moms all over town reminded their daughters a dozen … [Read more...]