I had suspected since the beginning of our relationship that the FAA (Federal Flight Administration) had no sense of humor. When my annual medical exam revealed that I had Parkinson’s, I realized these guys weren’t going to fool around. It had taken nearly ten years to log 3700 flight hours mostly on instrument flight plans. But it didn’t take the Feds long at all to decide that a pilot (whose nickname should have been Captain Shaky) needed to turn in his license to fly. They salted my wounded … [Read more...]
Pick Pocketed in Paris
Big bold black letters warned in English to beware of pick pockets. That should have been a sign. Actually it was a sign, plastered tight to the wall of a subway station in Paris. We were waiting for the train to take us and our long time friends Super Mario and Brenda to Mont Marte where we would stop for lunch in the city where every restaurant seems to be a good choice. Speaking of signs, I didn’t realize until too late that I was dressed in an outfit that screamed “American tourist.” All … [Read more...]
May There Always be Consequences
“How was your day?” “Crummy.” The usually brief post-school day Dad/son conversation was off to its usual slow start. And I can’t say the “Crummy” response was all that surprising, considering that fourth graders are not known for giving up the secrets of youth without making Moms and Dads work for them. “Was there a problem?” At least one layer of interrogation is a parental fiduciary responsibility. So I dove in. “Not really,” said the kid who never seemed to have any homework that … [Read more...]
Do Americans Need Another Bloody Nose?
In 1955, I made a deal with the furnace that lived in the basement of my grandparents’ house. Our agreement was that if I promised not to venture any further than the basement step, second from the top, ‘it’ would stay in the basement. I never trusted our armistice would hold. So sometimes when my gran cracked the creaky basement door, I would watch from that second step ... but no further ... as she descended into the dark place beneath the house, never quite certain that ‘it’ would give her … [Read more...]
Of Whom Much Has Been Given Much Is Expected
Our little Mooney Ovation was what I called a “nose print” airplane. It seemed like anytime I left it parked on the ramp for more than a few minutes there would be nose prints left by curious onlookers. Jealous pilots were dying to have a look at the inside of an aircraft so awesomely cool on the outside. I don’t remember having anything you would call cool while I was growing up. No cool cars. No cool clothes. Just your average clarinet playing geek of the week. But N95MK was cool all the … [Read more...]
X Marks the Spot
We on our way to a romantic two days at the Texas coast. We had hoped to squeeze in a mini vacation of sorts between the too hot afternoons of late summer and the too cool days of an early fall. Just right… or so we thought. What we hadn’t counted on was a young woman driving northbound who for whatever reason had decided that it was slightly more important to text her mom than it was to stay decidedly in her lane not ours. After the crash my first conscious thought was to check on Buns. … [Read more...]
Lion Tamer
It all started with an unseasonable stretch of rainy days in southern California. They say it never rains in southern California but it pours. (I borrowed that.) The heaviest rain was over a tourist attraction featuring a drive-through lion safari. The resulting flash flooding washed away the lions. Don’t ask how many. I don’t know how many. I didn’t actually see it but it must have been a bunch or maybe a pride. You wouldn’t expect that a bunch of lions washing away would have an impact … [Read more...]
Wouldn’t You Like to Ask?
Buns is not fond of baggy shorts. In fact, she will, on occasion and completely without warning, reach out and give my waistband a sudden boost. It’s ok. I’m used to it. Buns does her pants-lift maneuver almost without forethought. I’m just waiting for her to accost some total stranger. She once pulled a similar stunt when she grabbed a stranger’s hand, thinking it was mine. When, or if, she pulls an unrehearsed pants-lift maneuver on an unsuspecting stranger, I have no plan to defend her. I … [Read more...]
Ten Modern Commandments
I’ve always wondered why God hasn’t seen fit to send updates for the Ten Commandments. Whenever I have complained, someone always commented that maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. Perhaps God had sent all sorts of revisions and updates and maybe, rather than blaming the Maker of the Universe, I should look in the mirror. So I’ve been watching and so far… nothing. I say my bedtime prayers and slip in the occasional hint that I am still waiting. You don’t want to get too impatient with … [Read more...]
Frog in the Kimo
Oh, there was a frog and he lived in a well… …and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. He reared and he pitched and he couldn’t make a jump… and a fump, fump, fump in a kimo. When I was a kid, few people had a radio in their car. The vacuum tubes that did the electronic duty of transistors glowed orange hot making car radios a serious drain on power. You could see them if dad ever let you crawl part-ways under the dash board. The old Studebaker that was our family transportation in those days … [Read more...]
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